According to that fount of online knowledge Wikipedia, an airport "is a location where aircraft such as fixed-wing aircraft, helicopters, and blimps takeoff and land". You don't see that many blimps around these days but it seems simple enough. Airport. A contraction of the words aircraft and port. But not all airports are created equal. Take Heathrow for example, which, under the ownership of BAA is now less an airport and more a rambling shopping mall, spread over 5 terminal buildings, where hapless passengers (note to UK railway companies, we're passengers not customers) are crammed into a small space in order to extract the maximum amount of cash out of them in overpriced shops, bars and restaurants and where the act of getting on and off a plane seems to be tacked on as an afterthought.

Since I started my new job, Terminal 5 at Heathrow has become close to a second home. This means I've been taking a lot of local minicabs to the airport early in the morning. The experience of frequent use of minicab services has been interesting, to say the least. With this in mind, I offer this up as a list of do's and don'ts for anyone considering plying a trade behind the wheel of a 5 year old Toyota Avensis.